Literary Agency/Impotence (Hint: They’re antonyms)

I can write. I’ve written two novels, two novellas, three plays, a short graphic novel, half a thousand reasoned legal decisions, and the words being circulated in official documents by three levels of government. I’ve won awards, been published, and been produced.
Here’s the thing: I want to write fiction. More novels. More novellas. And in order to write, I have to earn a living by writing. But without an agent, I have to spend time selling my stuff. I can’t write and sell stuff at the same time.
Guess how many literary agents there are in Canada who work with literary fiction? Maybe a dozen. And how many prospective writers? Yeah. They’re busy. Try to get their attention.
A glimpse into the lives of the rich and famous, sailing and living aboard the most beautiful sailing yacht in the world- a deeply flawed yacht that tries to kill her crew- a yacht sailed by eight professional sailors and a middle-aged accountant who’s afraid of the water. Come aboard and experience the joy of sailing. Come aboard for the ride of your life. Come aboard and succumb to your deepest darkest fears.
But wait! You can’t come. You won’t share the legendary burnt offerings of Dhara, ship’s chef and onboard siren. Or P-2 the Aussie enforcer who fends off all comers in the bar in Faial. Or Luciano the child-like prodigy who is suffering from existential angst. Or the Newfie Olympian that nobody can understand. You can’t come because you can’t buy this book. You can’t buy it because I don’t have an agent who can find this story a home at a publishing house of some repute.
A book that can sell itself. A sailing book for people who like to read, people who drop the hook and scan their meager sea-going bookshelves for the same-old-same-old, people who would deep-six their brass monkeys for a good sea-going tale. You know how many sailors there are in this country? Divide that number by six and you have the number of readers per decent contemporary seafaring adventure story. Know a literary agent? Mention this information. And don’t forget to ask for a finder’s fee! Money in the bank. Money in the bank. The line starts from the right.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s